Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Writing Comment

So, my sister (Constantly Constance) is the artist in my family, and I am the writer. She posts all about art and artsy-stuff, but I have been struggling to discern what I should write about writing. After much decision and social experimentation, I decided on online personals. I have steadfastly kept a profile on various websites for the sheer social psychological fascination of "people watching." Here is a very typical male specimen from a man looking for a lovely lady.

Italian Stud:
My name is steven and i would first like to start out by saying i am 6'1'' tall i have light brn hair with hazel eyes. I love to work out everyday because i enjoy having a nice body. I enjoy meeting new people and i am giving this site a shot because it seems to have a good percentage of matches. i am fun, caring i have a great personality and people say my pics dont do me justice!!!! Ladies lol anyway i hope u decide to hit me up if you want to get to know a great guy!!

To initiate my writing on writing debut, here are some of my comments about this fine master work that seems to represent many of the male characterizations online:
1) You have multiple thousands of characters that you are allowed to use to describe yourself. You barely used 100. That does NOT make you sound mysterious. This is one of those cases where less is just.... less.
2) If you start with a description of your physical body, WHEN THERE ARE PHOTOS OF YOU ALREADY, your paltry description becomes even more meaningless, because you are telling me something I can see for myself.
2b) If I haven't discerned just how similar to a Greek God you look in your photos, and your single sentence summarizing your physical stats didn't convince me, probably telling me your pics suck and you look better in real life isn't gonna do it.
3) You have chosen not to use capital letters with any consistency. Either you are a brazen non-conformist (unlikely) or really freaking lazy with the shift key (most likely).
3) If you use the word "stud" in your screen name, most likely.... no.....
4) No matter how fat, ugly, scarred, what a poor dresser, etc., men always say they want a girl who is "slender, or toned and athletic". Unrealistic wishes that will never come true say "what?"
5) Saying you have a "great personality" doesn't tell women (or other guys, come on now) what you are like. I mean, you could have a great personality for being an executioner, or a toilet scrubber, or a great personality for a sideshow freak.
6) What you are NOT saying says a hell of a lot more about you than what you ARE saying.

My challenge to everyone is to help grow this list of typical personal ad quirks, and perhaps we can develop it into a typology of some sort. :) The fun never stops when you trawl the interweb - have fun laughing.

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